CFR TRADING POST |
Any resemblance between anything here and the views of my employer, my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any resemblance between the above sentence and my own views is non-deterministic. The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god coefficient. (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is way beyond the scope of this page.) No part of this page may reproduce, store itself in a retrieval system, or transmit disease, in any form, without the permissiveness of the reader's system. Printouts of this page, when crumpled and swallowed, may cause serious choking. Warning: This site may contain explicit descriptions of, or advocate one or more of the following: CFR parts, Crankcases, Electronics, Etc. But then again, it may not. Who knows? For best results, avoid doing stupid things. This document may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, by any means, including but not limited to: Mechanical reprints, electronic storage or scanning, theatrical release, musical ballads, word of mouth, sign language, braille, pantomime, hetero- or asexual reproduction, or genetic engineering. This document is meant for educational purposes only. Valid only in the US. Void in the 48 contiguous states, Alaska, Hawaii, and where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. You may not post on this site or sell through this site any item that could cause us to violate any applicable law, statute, ordinance or regulation. This also applies to any live animals, human beings or body parts, soiled undergarments, bulk email lists, switchblades, and automatic weapons such as AK-47s. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Do not use this material to line cribs. Don't put it in your mouth; you don't know where it's been. In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device. Even though oxygen is flowing, the plastic bag may not inflate. Do not pass "GO", do not collect $200. Bridge freezes before road surface. Watch your step. These are atypical results, your income may vary. Use of this page as a marital aid nullifies warranty. Uranium-236 not included. As with real appliances, some toy stoves *will* burn your careless ass. Harmful if swallowed with massive quantities of vodka. No disrespect intended. Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously. Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile. Some dismemberment may occur. If you are having problems installing your modem, please contact manufacturer by e-mail. To avoid overflow, release button before cup is full. Do not attempt to stop chainsaw blade with hands or genitalia. Do not apply facial cleanser directly to the brain. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning. Do not use hair coloring as an ice cream topping. Made from doe urine, not for human consumption. In case of flood - proceed uphill. In case of flash flood - proceed uphill quickly. If this is given to you in an inflatable picture frame it is not to be used as a personal floatation device. Do not put bottle rocket in mouth. Because some of the content on the Internet consists of material that is adult-oriented or otherwise objectionable to some people, the results of your searches may automatically and unintentionally generate links or references to objectionable material. Computerized search technology does not give you search results limited to only the hits that you were seeking. There may be extraneous hits as well. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. No animals were mistreated or abused in posting this page to the network. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some audiences. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the page has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Warranty void if serviced by non-authorized personnel. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. This page contains a head-enhancing device; do not shake vigorously. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. At participating locations only. Not even a good imitation of the Beatles. Don't try this in your living room; these are trained professionals. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Look out for falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Due to the nature of the game of squash, this racket is not guaranteed. Kilroy was here. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Ceci n'est pas une pipe. (As the French so foppishly say) Place another stamp here. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Out to lunch. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. May be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities. Not responsible for typogriphical errors. No returns unless defective. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Don't even think about parking here. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Do not put the base of a ladder on frozen manure. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the site comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. This supersedes all previous notices unless indicated otherwise. No purchase required. Must be over 21 to enter. Viewer discretion is advised. No refunds without receipt. Comply with above instructions carefully and completely or you may be disqualified from receiving your prize. Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really overwhelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when addressing contestants. Prolonged exposure to vapors has caused cancer in laboratory animals. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Keep away from children. At participating locations only. Add more toner. Place more stamps here. Use only as directed; intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents can be harmful or fatal. Avoid contact with skin. Road construction ahead. Open other end. Dealer participation may affect final price. May not be present in all tap water. Sanitized for your protection. See Uniform Code of Military Justice. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. * - Indicates a low-fat item. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. Tax, tag, and title not included in advertised price. Not recommended for children. Reproduction by mechanical or electronic means, including photocopying, is strictly prohibited. Avoid spraying into eyes. An 18% gratuity will be added for parties of 8 or more. For qualified buyers. Unit not labeled for individual sale. The following information is meant for general educational purposes only. Contents under pressure. No shirt, no shoes, no service. No smoking, food, or drink. This disclaimer does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may distribute this freely but you may not make a profit from it. Do not use near open flame. Management not responsible for loss or theft. Maximum speeding fine: $350. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons or events, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. We have kosher and non-kosher foods. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Prizes are not redeemable for cash equivalent. All taxes become liability of the winner. Handicapped parking - tow zone. Page is provided "as is" without any warranties. User assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity employer. We accept food stamps. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. You must be 84" tall to ride this ride. Disconnect spark plug wire before servicing. Limit one per family, please. No money down. No purchase necessary. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Shown with optional equipment. Page does not really fly. Coated with food-grade vegetable, beeswax, and/or shellac-based wax or resin to maintain freshness. Safety goggles required during use. For demonstration purposes only. Sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. Sealed with printed foil for your protection. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit/ 49 degrees Celsius. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Your email session may be monitored. The Federal Bureau of Investigation (Title 17, United States Code, Section 506) investigates allegations of criminal copyright infringement. See local retailer for complete details. Unleaded gas only. MTBF and MTTR are, of course, a WAG. All disputes will be resolved by arbitration. Alcohol 10% by volume. Allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. As seen on television. As used in hospitals. CAUTION: May be habit-forming. Close cover before striking. Close-captioned for the hearing impaired. Comes complete with applicator. Contains all new material consisting of 100% polyurethane foam. Dispose of properly. For prevention of disease only. Fortified with 9 essential nutrients. Helps build strong bodies 12 ways. [[[ In Stereo ]]] (where available). Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. No purchase necessary. Enter as often as you like. Not affiliated with Major League Baseball. Offer valid for a limited time only. Published simultaneously in Canada. Severe tire damage. To prevent electric shock, do not open back panel. In case of eye contact, flush with water. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. TO OPEN: Slide finger under flap and loosen gently. Warranty void if seal is broken. Your mileage may vary. Actual mileage will probably be less. This vehicle stops at all railroad crossings. Not responsible for lost or stolen items. This contract does not create a bailment. No in-and-out privileges. Smoking this page could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. Use type GR927 battery. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. WARNING: pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid this product. Discontinue use if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. May stick to certain types of skin. Contains no fruit juice. Push down, then twist. Dry clean only. UL listed. Pages are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. If you have acquired Subject Matter from here on behalf of an entity of the government of the United States of America, the following provision applies: U. S. GOVERNMENT RESTRICTED RIGHTS LEGEND. Use, duplication or disclosure by the Government is subject to restrictions as set forth in FAR 52.227-19(c)(2) or subparagraph (c)(1)(ii) of the Rights in Technical Data and Computer clause at DFARS 252.227-7013 and/or in similar or successor clauses in the FAR, or the DOD or NASA FAR Supplement. Unpublished rights reserved under the Copyright Laws of the United States. THE SUBJECT MATTER INCLUDED HERE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON-INFRINGEMENT. WE SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, ACCIDENTIAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, LOST REVENUES, LOST PROFITS, LOST VIRGINITY OR LOSS OF PROSPECTIVE ECONOMIC ADVANTAGE, RESULTING FROM THE USE OR MISUSE OF THIS CRAP, EVEN IF WE HAVE BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES, OR FOR ANY CLAIM BY ANOTHER PARTY, ESPECIALLY IF WE WERE NOT INVITED TO SAID PARTY. WE MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, OF ANY KIND WTH RESPECT TO THIS INFORMATION, THE PRODUCTS, SERVICES, OR MATERIALS OFFERED, SOLD, OR DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE OR YOUR USE OF THIS WEBSITE GENERALLY. TO THE FULL EXTENT PERMISSIBLE UNDER APPLICABLE LAW, WE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, OF ANY KIND, WITH RESPECT TO THE INFORMATION, THE PRODUCTS, SERVICES, OR MATERIALS OFFERED, SOLD, OR DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE OR YOUR USE OF THIS WEBSITE GENERALLY, INCLUDING WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT. SOME JURISDICTIONS LIMIT OR DO NOT ALLOW THE DISCLAIMER OF IMPLIED OR OTHER WARRANTIES SO THE ABOVE DISCLAIMER MAY NOT APPLY TO THE EXTENT SUCH JURISDICTION'S LAW IS APPLICABLE TO THIS AGREEMENT. YOU AGREE THAT THIS SITE, ITS DIRECTORS, OFFICERS, EMPLOYEES, CONSULTANTS, AGENTS, OR OTHER REPRESENTATIVES ("SERVICE PROVIDERS") SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGE, LOSS, OR EXPENSE OF ANY KIND ARISING OUT OF OR RESULTING FROM YOUR POSSESSION OR USE OF THE PRODUCTS, ANY PRODUCT OBLIGATIONS OR ANY ACTION OR INACTION OF ANY VENDOR REGARDLESS OF WHETHER SUCH LIABILITY IS BASED IN TORT, CONTRACT, OR OTHERWISE. IN NO EVENT, SHALL THIS SITE OR ANY OF ITS SERVICE PROVIDERS BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ANY INDIRECT, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES (INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION, LOSS OF PROFITS, LOSS OR CORRUPTION OF DATA, LOSS OF GOODWILL, WORK STOPPAGE, COMPUTER FAILURE OR MALFUNCTION, OR INTERRUPTION OF BUSINESS), WITH RESPECT TO THIS INFORMATION, OTHER PRODUCTS, SERVICES, OR MATERIALS OFFERED, SOLD, OR DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE, YOUR USE OF THIS WEBSITE GENERALLY, OR OTHERWISE IN CONNECTION WITH THIS AGREEMENT, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THIS SITE OR ANY OF ITS SERVICE PROVIDERS HAVE BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. NOBODY READS THIS SHIT ANYWAYS, SO WE CAN SAY ANYTHING WE WANT AND YOU WILL JUST AGREE AND CLICK THROUGH IT. IF YOU ARE READING ALL OF THIS, WE SUGGEST YOU GET A LIFE AND DUMP AOL, WHERE THIS SORT OF ALL CAPS TYPING IS COMMON. IF THE FOREGOING LIMITATION IS HELD TO BE UNENFORCEABLE, AND GOOD LUCK ON FINDING ANYBODY WHO WILL TRY TO PUSH THAT AGAINST OUR LAWYERS, THE MAXIMUM LIABILITY OF THIS SITE AND ITS SERVICE PROVIDERS TO YOU SHALL NOT EXCEED THE AMOUNT OF THE FEES PAID BY YOU FOR THE PRODUCTS, OR OTHER PRODUCTS OR SERVICES YOU HAVE ORDERED THROUGH THIS WEBSITE, OR $2.00 (USD), WHICHEVER IS LESS. SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW THE LIMITATION OR EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY FOR CERTAIN DAMAGES, SO THE ABOVE LIMITATIONS AND EXCLUSIONS MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU TO THE EXTENT SUCH JURISDICTION'S LAW IS APPLICABLE TO THIS AGREEMENT. IN ANY EVENT, YOU WILL NOT GET MORE THAN THE MINIMUM AMOUNT MENTIONED ABOVE, IF YOU GET THAT, AND THAT WILL TAKE A LAWSUIT. Your receipt of an electronic or other form of order confirmation does not signify our acceptance of your order, nor does it constitute our offer to sell. We reserve the right at any time after receipt of your order to accept, decline, or limit your order for any reason, whether or not your credit card has been charged. If your credit card has been charged and your order is canceled you will receive a refund credit to your account, after a while, maybe. Price and availability of Products and other products and services offered on this website are subject to change without prior notice. To the extent we provide information on availability of Products or other products and services, you should not rely on such information. We will not be liable for any lack of availability of Products or other products and services you may order through this website. THIS WARRANTY DOES NOT COVER: misuse, accident, extraterrestrial impact, lightning, floods, tornadoes, solar flares, tsunami, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, supernovas, hurricanes, other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized use, incorrect line voltage and/or frequency, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, chemical reactions, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom shock waves, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, Divine Intervention, extraterrestrial intervention, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, explosive decompression, hard vacuum, dropping the item, falling rocks, falling prices, falling expectations, falling on anything, caustic chemicals, napalm, leaky roofs, broken glass, magnetic fields, laser or other energy weapons, sub-atomic particle bombardment, emissions of x-rays, microwave, ultraviolet, cosmic, and/or gamma rays, mud slides, forest fires, or projectiles (which may include, but are not limited to, arrows, bombs, artillery shells, missiles, bullets, snowballs, hand grenades, buckshot, BBs, flares, shrapnel, liquid-filled balloons, torpedoes, knives, stones, spears, swords, maces, pikes, clubs, and/or morningstars). Other restrictions may apply. WARNING: may cause cirrhosis of the liver, inflammation of the brain, heart damage, pancreatic damage, kidney damage, spleen implosion or explosion, thyroid combustion, severe nasal hair growth, blindness, eruptia, pregnancy, infertility, fecal incontinence, impotence (AKA "Just Bobbing Your Dole"), loss of genitalia and/or hermaphroditism, hair loss, skin blemishes, bone deformity, throat cancer, ulcers, hangnails, bladder leakage, sores, scabs, elephantiasis, hepatitis, conjunctivitis, gingivitis, appendicitis, bronchitis, and/or athlete's foot. Not recommended for children, adults, senior citizens, animals, insects, plants, or dead people. Use only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Do not belch Hydrogen Beer (tm) near open flame. Driver does not carry more than $20 in cash (he is married). Operators are standing by. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle. Remove before flight. Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball. For indoor or outdoor use only. Remember: objects in the mirror are actually behind you. RTFM. YMMV. TANSTAAFL. INAL. IMHO. Branches from the nearby foliage or geological specimens may fracture my skeletal structure; however, inaccurate descriptions of my physical appearance, heritage, or personality cannot damage my psyche. I didn't do it. Don't say I didn't warn you. No game show contestants, Tupperware representatives, cork sockers, sock tuckers, chicken pluckers, double-clutching mother truckers, overpaid doctors, toilet paper roll winders, people named "Elmer Joe," Kirby salespeople, Psychic Friends Network employees, condom testers, or anal thermometer quality assurance personnel were harmed in any way either physically or mentally during the making of this page. Crossed fingers don't count. Tag, you're it. This disclaimer complies with proposed U. S. federal requirements for disclaimers Section 301, Paragraph (a)(2)(c) of S. 1618, which mandates, among other things, a free salad shooter if you call in the next five minutes. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Printout for reference only. Now leave me alone. Do not write below this line. |